Today has been a difficult day. It feels like my soul has been inundated with an incalculable weight made purely of grief. Everything I did today made me think of my Darby. I called Lynus by his name at least a dozen times. Every toy I saw made me picture his ridiculous face. The stand I use to hold my camera when making videos made me think of his silly, gallop in place, dance step, thing that he does. Every time he popped in my head I felt the need to curl up in a ball and cry.
I find that in the hardest times, my dogs provide me with a comfort that not much else can. It helps to just plop down in the middle of the four of them and stay there. I did that a lot today. At one point Boo laid her head on the side of mine. As a result, the sound of her breathing began to resonate in my ears. After a few minutes of listening to it, that sound suddenly shook me from the darkness that was invading my thoughts.
It occurred to me that life can be hard. Sometimes it just flat out sucks. It is on me to find the will to break the chains of sadness and pain that would hope to bind me to a spiral of depression. That will, very often, has a mysterious way of revealing itself. The sound of Boo breathing was where I found it today. I didn’t feel like getting out of bed, let alone writing today, but she gave me the motivation to do both.
It is amazing to me how animal’s in general and dogs specifically have a 6th sense of how to handle their human’s emotional ebb and flow. I have read stories of dog’s bringing the most random things to their owners in times of severe emotional turmoil –a sock is one that is sticking out in my head right now– and while a random sock may have very little intrinsic value to any one person, the act of our best friend bringing it to us, in order to give us hope in our darkest times, is something that is priceless. I seriously wonder if Boo didn’t, somehow, know exactly what I needed to break me out of my funk today and, subsequently, do that thing for no other reason than that she loves me.
I am thankful for my dogs. I am thankful that Darby doo is still alive and fighting to get back to us. Most of all I am thankful that I have the opportunity to help the dogs that we do. The lessons I learn from them are invaluable. They give me back so much for the simple act of helping them, I am truly grateful for the opportunity to be their student.